I have to do better
And I don’t think I’m alone
It’s been awhile since some of you heard from me. If you’re in that group and have enjoyed the break and were slightly disappointed to see this Memo today, I get it. And while I’d encourage you to go ahead and read the rest of this (I mean, you already opened it, so why not power through another couple minutes, right?), you can be confident another break is coming after today. I just really felt like this might be something important for you to read today.
For the other group of you, the reason you haven’t seen a Memo for a few weeks is because we’ve started our subscription level. Those who are paying subscribers get what you’re getting today each week, along with an additional video/audio interaction sent to them. Yes, I know how expensive everything is right now, and how important it is to be wise and judicious in where we spend our resources. I don’t fault anyone for not seeing this as a good place to invest – no guilt trip, I get it.
The focus of what we’re doing here is for us Christians to learn and study together how we can be better representatives and ambassadors of Christ in an increasingly crooked and depraved generation – not looking down on the ungodly, but rather understanding in a real way how utterly lost we were without the grace of God, and trying to figure out the best way to extend that to those who don’t realize how lost they are without it too.
My favorite part of this new group is already clear to me – I love the interaction in the comments. I’ve already learned and been edified by the observations of some who pick up on things that I miss or overlook. It’s iron sharpening iron in a way that I didn’t even anticipate when I started this a few weeks ago.
A simple appeal – I think you’d love being a part of what we’re doing. And selfishly, I would love for you to be part of it because I know you have a perspective our little community of believers here could benefit from hearing and understanding. So, read through the rest of this and see if you think it’s something you’re interested in being part of, and if so, join us:
I don’t know how many of you see and use gifs – the short little video clips that you can send via text or in comment sections to depict emotion in your reactions. If you use them or receive them at all, you’ve most likely seen this little girl:
That little girl grew up. And just over a month ago now, she tragically committed suicide at the age of 16.
I have no idea the circumstances that led to it. I don’t know where she lived, how she lived, anything about her parents, anything about her mental health, nothing. What I do know is that I teach 16-year-olds. I know that one of my own daughters is just a few years away from that age. And I know that there’s nothing specifically dangerous about that age. She could have been 14, 27, or 56 and made this same decision. And it would have been just as tragic.
I remember growing up and hearing kids in church say that suicide condemned a person to Hell because it was a sin that you couldn’t repent of since you were dead. Obviously, that fundamentally misunderstands the concept of the once-for-all grace offered at Calvary. Not that we should ever downplay the spiritual tragedy of suicide. It is certainly an offense against the Creator given that it is violence against His image, which we all miraculously bear. Our lives are of eternal significance and value because of that image, which explains why we believers view the sanctity of life completely different than the world.
To the godless, life becomes utilitarian – our worth becomes directly proportional to the tangible value we have to others, to society. But that value is so dictated by fickle feelings, and so easily manipulated by Satan, the master manipulator of our emotions.
I don’t bring all this up to depress any of you or to be a downer. I’m addressing it because this is the reality that surrounds us. This is the world we may not be “of” (although Satan traps more than a few of us Christians with depression and feelings of worthlessness), but it is certainly the world that we are “in.”
One of the most common things I am asked by my fellow Christians at speaking engagements or conferences whenever there is an open Q&A is something along these lines:
“How can we best fight back against (insert ungodly cause or idea here)?”
And I’ve found 99 times out of 100 the question is motivated by something bad people are doing or saying, or bad legislation they are proposing. The tragedy of this little gif girl reminded me – and now I’m reminding you – that we need to be “fighting back” against the bad ideas people are believing about themselves just as strongly.
On Friday morning last week, I dropped my wife off at Bob Hope International Airport in Burbank for a flight home and then drove on to LAX for my own flight home (don’t ask why – it’s a long story). When I got to LAX and dropped off the rental car, I had plenty of time to make it to my gate. I was walking through the parking garage towards the terminal and saw a young lady probably in her 20s sitting on a bench, crying.
There were people near her but not with her. I looked at her a few times and kept feeling nudged to just go ask if she needed something or if she needed someone to pray for her. I didn’t want to be a weirdo though, so I didn’t say anything. I did pray for her, but I didn’t approach her. Maybe that was best in 2022 America, but maybe it wasn’t. She might have been upset about leaving her boyfriend who just dropped her off. Or she might have been struggling with something as serious as this gif girl was dealing with. God placed me in that moment, and I’m not sure I followed Him faithfully and acted as Jesus would have acted.
I need to do better. I think you probably do too. We have the words of life, let’s not be hesitant to speak them.
To do:
First and foremost, if you need to talk to someone yourself, email me, post a comment here, or call this line anonymously: 1-800-273-8255.
It’s challenging to identify those struggling with depression, but learning the symptoms can help us. Here’s a good list of them with which to familiarize yourself.
Make every effort to eliminate those “airport moments” in your life. Every soul is precious and we all have struggles. We’re never doing the wrong thing to encourage another person.
Additional resources that might help us understand the issue deeper:
Matt Slick has written a brief, informative piece on the meaning and purpose of life according to Christians that you can find here. It’s a good read if you have a minute.
I have a great deal of respect for John Piper. He does a Q&A that often tackles some tough questions. Here’s one on this issue that applies.
Again, if you aren’t part of our community, I’d love for you to join us. You can do so here anytime:
Finally, if you are interested, here are a few columns I wrote recently that you might enjoy taking a look at:
Top Gun, the Berenstain Bears, and the progressive Pharisees who hate them
As long as platitudes and posturing persist, things won’t change
I've tried to mature in this pilgrim's walk by looking at as many situations each day as I can and pondering, "Lord, how are you trying to transform me more and more into You through this?"
I think it started when I had kids, looking at them as the Father looks at me - that perspective is invaluable. But it applies in pondering events in our communities, the nation, the world...and in situations like the young lady on the airport bench. It's in those situations where die to self and live for Him become real. In this tense moment, am I leading my kids in the way that they should go or am I just yelling at them because they are irritating selfish me? Am I really late for a meeting or am I making excuses why I didn't stop and pray for him (and is my being 2 minutes late really an eternal issue)? Are there some "good things" I need to say NO to in order to do a "great thing"?
Paralysis by analysis is real, but in a culture where "I'll do that later" actually means "never" because our calendars and clocks often overcome our intents, reflection on these types of things as they happen and taking a minute to pray and ponder (and repent when applicable) is how we will transform our minds - and the rest of us - to be more like Christ.
I think this topic of mental health is so important and yet so messy. As someone who dealt with functioning depression for a number of years, I hated when people "checked in" on me. It was like, "Yeah, I'm fine. I just don't feel like smiling all the time. How about you leave me alone?" But it was also some of those check in moments that made me realize maybe I wasn't fine and maybe I couldn't just "figure this out" on my own.
I think mental health concerns need to be destigmatized, but they also seem to have become a crutch for much of our society. We are so quick to slap a label on things and prescribe certain remedies. When did we stop caring about people as people? When did it become a burden to show compassion (both as the giver and receiver)? Why do we ignore some people who seem unapproachable and shower others with pity? Why don't we pick up the phone when we need to hear a friendly voice (or one of reproach)? Why do we overanalyze whether or not to engage with a stranger?
While I hate the phrase "do better" because it's often used so flippantly or condescendingly, there is truth in using it here. It's certainly a challenge to find the right time and right voice, but hopefully we can all move towards acting in love and not stay locked in the inaction of fear.
I don't know. I'm rambling now.